Well I haven't thought of how to carry out a what if Doug Walker did a review for other Super Sentai series, well it's on to review Dairanger, Nostalgia Critic style since the DVD is coming out soon. Before that, you might want to check out my joke of a Doug Walker/Zyuranger post.
Well I don't think he'll really keep saying too much about it at first until he realizes that the show's unusually violent. That is he might say, "So really, what's up with all these violent scenes and wow, it's really brutal!" type of reaction. He might actually start to say, "Well this wasn't the regular show you grew up with, you might as well be ready to be shocked and be amazed at the world of Gosei Sentai Dairanger!"
I guess he might want to poke fun at the Gorma or their weird ceremonies. Or better, he might actually say, "Really? We're having a Star Wars moment here?" when it comes to Ryou's meeting with his father Zhang Liao. He might say, "So really, where's Emperor Palpatine? Or where's... well... you know... the emotional scene? Oh there we have it!" I could imagine all the fun that he might have inserting Star Wars footage. He might also compare the Gorma outfits to some metal death band and well, make fun of just almost everything or two, make fun of the name Shadam by inserting Saddam Hussein footage.
Oh boy, I can't imagine how Doug will react to this one. He might say, "So we got to see well, Justin, from Power Rangers Turbo (insert footage), right? But here, you gotta think here... oh boy... we've got one perverted kid is the sixth ranger? What in the world are the producers thinking? I thought Justin was the worst thing Power Rangers had... now this? Oh boy! I can't bear to watch! But it turns out to be he's not just there to be there, he's got an important story but I can't tolerate that... he loves to grope Rin. Can't blame him though, she's hot... hmmmm."
He may make fun of how the Gorma has one of the weirdest opening ceremonies and the Gorma Emperor. He might say, "Wait? Why do I have to wear that brown mask to talk to some senile old man? Even Emperor Palpatine is more badass than that guy!" So I guess there's more comical criticism from him especially when it comes to the Gorma's ceremonies. So we might actually have him say, "Well at least this kid ranger really had a purpose, unlike Zordon who randomly chose some kid to be Rocky's replacement. I'll give the story that... especially that this brat really has an interesting storyline about his estranged brother, his missing mother and he doesn't know Shadam is his father."
What I think is that these stories tend to get really interesting. I mean, there's really some on-and-off plot movers that don't immediately get continued in the next episode I think are he might say something like, "Ah we have our typical love story of Daigo and Kujaku. Sort of the cliche of mortal man loves goddess so we don't expect them to live happily ever after, but at least we've got some plots moving it." or "Well we've got Demon Boxer Jin who WTF, why does he have to kill all those martial arts masters because he's under a douche? How did Ryou survive that very strong punch?" kind of statements that he does when he critiques something. But I guess he might really want to insert some Ah! My Goddess! footage and say, "Well what went wrong with Gara and Kujaku?!" type of talk.
Well it might be time to really poke fun at Daijinryu even if the scenes are pretty grim. So he might say, "Well... back in Mighty Morphin', the dragon was just a family car. But in here, (insert expression) he turns out to be a giant cosmic keeper of peace or not?! It's always been do as he says or he well, blasts Tokyo? WTF is wrong with this guy? So we see that the Dairangers and Gorma are faced with this douchebag who's much worse than well... all dragons combined huh? Seriously does this guy have to blast some parts of Japan and later, force people into massive suicide to keep the peace of the universe? Why not just the Gorma?! Wow, good job destroying it dragon! Good job! I'm being sarcastic!"
He might move on and on to, "Well this series does get sadder and sadder, I'll admit, really sad. I mean you get to see Kou lose his mother. He was saved from becoming a Gorma but he lost his mother. Later on, you'll see how this series is sad but never runs out of WTF moments like when we learn that Master Kaku has been Gorma all along. Granted, not all the Gorma were chaotic evil especially Rin's lover genuinely loved her. I can't see why there aren't good people in Gorma but I'll admit, it must never easy born into becoming a Gorma. Later on, we see Master Kaku want to dissolve the Dairangers so he can finish off the job himself. WTF... you should be telling them what's going on so your plans don't get ruined. Use your brain man! Okay, that scene of him dying is not funny but I can't stop blaming him in part."
Concerning the climax, he might actually make some fun about the clay Gorma. He'll start saying, "So all of the Gorma are clay? What in the world is going on? So Zaidos is clay then who else is clay? The Emperor was merely created by Saddam Hussein err... Shadam, sorry if I can't help but make fun of that utterly silly name." Then we might move forward to the final scene of Gara, then he might sing Handel's Messiah for awhile when Kujaku reappears. Then he'll say, "What? So Gara was already dead all along and the Gara we're seeing is clay? What an unusual plot twist folks. But then, it does leave me confused, how could the clay Gara have memories of the real one unless she was split into two?" then insert some footage of Beetle Juice splitting into two different persons or Kami splitting into two from Dragon Ball. I'll admit, the HORROR!
The final scene appears with Shadam as Gorma XVI and perhaps more Saddam Hussein jokes are inserted. He might say, "So Shadam is now the emperor and he seems to be really crazy... hmmm does becoming emperor of the Gorma make one senile and lose their common sense? So here, Daijinryu comes in, makes a demand and all the jewels are given. Ryou finishes off his rivalry with Shadam in a KNIFING DUEL then mud comes out. What? Shadam is mud? What in the world? So where's the real Shadam?" So we see Shadam wondering why he's mud all along so what if all Gorma were made from mud. Weeks later, nobody shows up but... fifty years later some strange things happened. The GORMA HAS RETURNED! So we see the Dairangers are now old, their grandkids who look like them come in and we've got one heck of a ending with the cycle still going on... but sorry, no second season! But from what I hear, this series was so popular in Japan, I wanted to check it out and it's pretty good actually!"
I guess we'll get some closing words like, "So there you have it, Gosei Sentai Dairanger! It's so weird that it's great but I can't help but think that a lot of stuff would have been better. So I wonder... why in the world were the Gorma all clay? Why did they write a kid ranger into the script? Why is Rin so hot? Why? Why? Why? Well I don't know when's the next DVD coming out but I'll say... I did have fun. Until next time, this is the Nostalgia Critic!"
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